So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
