I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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