I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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