Non-Jews are for practice
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
