Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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