I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
