I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
