There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
