I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
