and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When did we convert life to cartoon?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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