Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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