I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
