chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
