Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize