im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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