You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
