I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
