Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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