We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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