hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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