Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
