eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
jump out the window naked night went bad
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