Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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