so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
