Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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