I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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