hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
