I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
