so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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