I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
