It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
