She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
