I accidentally burped into my bong.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
