The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
