You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
