I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
