If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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