My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
