how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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