you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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