I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize