Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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