I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
