anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
