hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
