I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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