...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
