Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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