It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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