i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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