By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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