I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
