eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
