The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
