yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
