I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like eating out sand paper
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
