The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
