New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
