what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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