I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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