yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
