i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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