where am i from again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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