member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm at about main and main street
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
