He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
