don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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