I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
