i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
