You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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