grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
