I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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