if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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