Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize