I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
