How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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