You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
babies were throwing up all over the place
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
