3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize