If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
