FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
