11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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